If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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