So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
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Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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