Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
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Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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