Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
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He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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