Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
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my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
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I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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