I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
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i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
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You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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