bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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