I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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