take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
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omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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