I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
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I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
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My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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