Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
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