his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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