My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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