you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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