I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
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You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
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I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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