i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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