you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
They should really pass out barf bags in church
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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