Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize