I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize