I murdered the dance floor call the cops
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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