were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
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There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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