she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
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You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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