a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize