How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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