i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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