y did u give ur computer a hand job?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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