i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
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That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
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I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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