She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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