My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I miss vodka workout Fridays
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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