are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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