Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
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she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
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We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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