Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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