Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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