I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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