he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
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Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
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The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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