im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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