do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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