Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You are a genius and a whore.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize