I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
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She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
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I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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