she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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