My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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