no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
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I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
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Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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