Only a mothe r could love this liver
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
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Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
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I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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