Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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