i love accidental penises.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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