Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
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I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
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IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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