batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
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there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
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T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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