Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize