I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize