she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
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